"Amazing Spider-Man" takes on "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter"

"Let's see Mr. Gettysburg Address do this!"

Tragedy strikes a family.

A young man seeks vengeance. To accomplish his goal requires training and secrecy. Very few know what he does in the shadows. You will find this familiar storyline in theaters right now.

Batman? Close, but "The Dark Knight Rises" doesn't open until July 20. (Unless you have an early copy, then please contact me.)

"The Amazing Spider-Man?" Yes, but didn't we just see this same plot about a decade ago?

"Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?" Yes, believe it or not.

I was a little late seeing the new Spider-Man, waiting until Sunday night of the opening weekend. Many, many reviews are out there, including this one. I also saw "Vampire Hunter" about a week ago (see review here), so let's compare the two.


Outlandish, you say? Not as much as you might think.

"I wonder if this thing would cut through a spider web?"

More than 100 years before Peter Parker's beloved Uncle Ben was gunned down in a street crime that Peter could have prevented, a young Abraham Lincoln witnessed a vampire attack on his mother (really, they have the film to prove it).

Outwardly, Abraham and Peter appear to be normal citizens. Abraham works as a store clerk while studying law. Peter is trying to survive high school and his teen years. Both adopt secret lives - one wielding a silver-coated ax and the other armed with web-slingers - to try to bring some sense of peace and justice to their shattered lives.

But it's not that easy.

The vampires have a plan to help the Confederacy win the Civil War. The Lizard (Curt Connors) has a plan to turn the residents of New York City into hideous creatures (enter your own "how would we tell the difference?" joke here).

The good guys win, of course

The End.

Mini-reviews:

• "Vampire Hunter" is exactly what you think - a movie about the 16th president of the United States debating Stephen A. Douglas (Alan Tudyk - geek alert!) by day, battling creatures of the night on the side and trying to woo Mary Todd in his spare time. It doesn't pretend to be anything else other than 105 minutes of summer slasher action. References to Lincoln's real life are thrown in to give the film an historical foundation. The last scene reminds us that there will be no sequel.

• "Amazing" retells the origin of everyone's favorite neighborhood arachnid. You keep waiting for someone to utter "With great power comes great responsibility," but the message is still there. Martin Sheen (Uncle Ben) and Sally Fields (Aunt May) remind us how old we are because we remember them as Captain Benjamin Willard from 1979's "Apocalpyse Now" and the title character "The Flying Nun" (1967-1970). The ghost of Tobey Maguire hangs over the film, but Andrew Garfield does a fine job in his own right.

The big question - who would win a fight between Abraham Lincoln and Peter Parker? - will have to wait for debate. Or maybe a video game ...