"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" Review: What Were You Expecting?

From left to right are ... oh, forget it.

Read the marquee above the theater entrance very carefully before you enter. If it says "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," well, that's what you can expect.

For the most part, that's a good thing.

The "heroes in a half shell" are back in action with a new movie and an old plot: The Foot Clan is on the loose and who are you going to call? That's right - Shredder is making life difficult for the residents of New York City. To the rescue are Splinter and his adopted, mutated sons - Donatello, Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael.

Oh, and Megan Fox. As reporter April O'Neil, Fox does what does she best. I'm just not quite sure what that might be. I don't think it's acting, certainly nothing past Acting 101. She's joined by Will Arnett, who provides mild comic relief. The lone standout human actor is William Fichtner, who - MILD SPOILER ALERT - plays The Bad Guy Behind The Bad Guy (Shredder).

One of these is made up into fooling us it's a
real character. The other is a turtle.

But you didn't shell out your hard-earned money (shell out - see what I did there?) to watch the humans. The turtles - does anyone care who is behind the special effects? - carry the film quite well. The action sequences are fun and the banter between the reptilian brothers keeps the mood light.

You didn't pay to see a plot, either. The bad guys have a scheme to get rich. If you think about it, though, you have to be pretty rich already to pull off their elaborate plan, so what's the real point? I'm not sure. Except, of course, we wouldn't have a movie without their devious motives.

The movie can be summed up in four words:

Teenage.

Mutant.

Ninja.

Turtles.

You get what you pay for.